


Meditation and Examination

by Raiadel



Series: Jaesa's Awakening [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Bridge fic, F/M, Meditation, Neutral Jaesa, Reasons why, not quite there yet though, she's leaning towards dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 18:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8726077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiadel/pseuds/Raiadel
Summary: Following the events of the betrayal of Baras on Quesh, Jaesa meditates on the Sith code, applying it to her nonstandard apprenticeship, and she and Khryden have a (sadly interrupted) 'heart to heart' in preparation for their first decisive action against Khryden’s former master on Belsavis.





	

Jaesa slowly folded herself into a kneeling position, arranging her skirts around her legs. Her not-quite-healed ribs ground together, eliciting a soft groan as she relaxed against the kolto tank in her favorite room on the ship. She needed to think, and the soothing bubbling of the tank in her ears lulled her mind into a meditative state.

Letting her eyelids drift shut, she reached deep inside herself, searching automatically for the peace of meditation. Mentally shaking herself, Jaesa frowned slightly and instead reached deeper for her swirling storm of emotion.

“Peace is a lie. There is only passion.”

She whispered the words reverently, hearing the truth reverberate throughout her entire being. The peace the Jedi preached _was_ a lie. She had seen that for herself first hand when her former master Nomen Karr had clung to his light side lies even as his eyes glowed red and hate overtook his body. There was passion there, but Karr had lacked control. He hadn’t been able to temper the power his emotions gave him, allowing him to fall beneath Lord Khryden. In that way, he was weak. The power had been within his grasp, but he did nothing about it, instead letting the dark side rip his soul from his body and leaving him to fight with power he couldn’t control even after he should have surrendered like a good little Jedi.

Her mouth twitched upwards at the side as she remembered the moment when she had burst onto the scene like the flighty padawan she was. She had long ago since meditated on the feeling of loss—no, the feeling of absolute _devastation_ —that she had felt as the last emotion the Jedi had given her. Karr’s duplicity and the presence of his victor had awoken her to her true passion of the dark side.

Well, one of her true passions. The other remained Lord Khryden, no matter how she tried to spin it. Dalliances with other Jedi and lesser Sith did not even begin to compare to the jolt within her very being whenever he looked at her. Especially post-battle with both of their emotions running high, his eyes glowing half from Force rage, half from pure happiness at the destruction of his enemy…then the flare of lust and desire the moment their eyes meet.

Jaesa felt a strike of lightning to her core as she recalled the intensity his eyes had housed, and how she had recognized him drawing upon it as they completed their task, whatever it may be. They both sensed it, she knew. So why did he not act? Why did he hold himself back from his passion when she was almost fully ready to share it?

The soft swish of a cloak roused her halfway from her meditation and she opened her eyes slowly, the red aura surrounding her bathing the entire room in a blood red hue. Just as carefully as she had, her master sat cross-legged on the floor across from her, their knees merely an inch away from touching. He seemed to eye the gap between them for a second longer before raising his golden eyes to hers in a silent question.

“May I join you?” His voice rumbled, low and smooth. The melodious undertones go deliciously with the subject she is currently meditating on.

Her lids slid shut contentedly and she smiled in response as she reached out, feeling him in the Force. The twisting black and red energy that emanated from his body twined with hers until a blanket of dark side energy wrapped around them both.

_Teach me, master._

She _felt_ his smile through the Force.

_Peace is a lie. There is only passion._ His whispered voice echoed in her mind through their bond. _There is no peace, no truce in this war. There is only victory. Only belief and motivation for what we fight for will win us this war_. _Passion shapes us. We would accomplish nothing if we didn’t believe that it would be a turning point. Approach every battle like this one will be the one that turns the tide._

_Through passion, I gain strength._

Jaesa murmured the words along with him, marveling at how their voices seemed to harmonize together. The need to prove herself churned in her gut, the constant desire to push herself further adding steel to her heart. And most of all, the want to be the perfect apprentice in Lord Khryden’s eyes solidified her resolve. She would be strong. The more she embraced her passion, the more it would strengthen her. The more strength she had, the better she would be able to defend them both from those that sought to tear them down.

_Through strength, I gain power._

Tempering her ambition had never been her strong suit as a Jedi. Entering into the world of the Sith was like splashing cold water on her face. At first, she had nearly drowned. There was so much duplicity, so many lies, and even more half-truths. Hours after her conversion from Jedi padawan to Sith apprentice, Jaesa had felt indestructible and powerful. Moments after that, using her power on a whim on the Imperial Fleet for the first time had overwhelmed her and she blacked out for about ten seconds. She came back to herself moments later feeling Khryden’s warm arm firmly around her waist, supporting her, and using his body to shield her weakness from prying eyes in the nearest corner. She had glanced up somewhat sheepishly, an apology on her lips before the ghost of a smile slipped almost unnoticed onto his face and her words died in her mouth.

“That would not be the best idea,” he had murmured dryly. “I would guess the Jedi never taught you anything about control?”

“A little.” She strove to keep her voice from wavering.

“You will learn control the Sith way,” he promised. “I will instruct you.”

The better she got at focusing on an individual or group of people, the more confident she became. Confident that she could see through any façade, any false positive. As she used her power to chase down those Sith lords who mistakenly and traitorously followed the light, she felt a surge of satisfaction at each one that fell to her feet, begging for mercy or a quick death. Her insight gave her power over her fellow Sith.

_Through power, I gain victory._

With every lord that fell, she returned victorious to the Fury and into Lord Khryden’s satisfied presence. Every praise that fell from his lips, she drank up, every little intimate gesture, she reveled in. Several times after talking with him late into the night, their emotions pulsed closely to the surface, but she always pulled back, wished him a good night, and retreated to her favorite position next to the kolto tank, intent on meditating on her stifled feelings. Each time it happened, though, Jaesa could sense that Khryden was closer and closer to the breaking point. His iron control, while so far unbreakable, was tested with each moment they had together. More and more often, his eyes flashed red when gazing at her in the privacy of her room. She had to come to terms with her feelings sooner or later. The moment she did, he would claim her and she would claim him. Shortly, victory would be hers.

_Through victory my chains are broken._

The last shackles to the light side would be shattered, she mused, as soon as they came together. All she had to do was question why. Why did she hold back? Why did she not give in to her base emotions like so many other Sith? Isn't the use of such strong emotion what the dark side was built on? And most importantly: why did Khryden not do the same? She needed his help to break her restraints. Both of them were chained, it seemed. And while Jaesa could identify her chains, she wondered what restricted her master.

_The Force shall free me._

“Master,” she murmured, coming out of her meditation trance and deliberately opening her eyes. “I need to discuss something with you.”

The red aura surrounding him faded and he pinned her to the kolto tank at her back with a calculating look, crimson edging his golden irises. She could sense his emotions roiling near the surface as he nodded. “As I expected.”

Standing, Khryden leaned against the far wall, crossing his arms. “I could sense you were dissatisfied with the answers I provided while we were on Quesh. Or rather, the lack thereof.”

Jaesa frowned as she stood, taken aback by the complete opposite direction than she was expecting but fully prepared to sate her curiosity. “Well yes…”

“I trust you implicitly, Jaesa. But I don’t have a lot of information for you because I know very little myself. All I know is what Servant One and Servant Two have relayed to me, and you were by my side at the Command Center. They had appeared to me while I was…incapacitated…and trapped in the Quesh cavern.” He grimaced. “I thought I was hallucinating from the pain. Evidently, I was not, and it was by their invitation that I decided to meet them at the Forward Command Center. Their words…surprised me. I had long expected Baras’s betrayal, but foolishly, I was not prepared for it.”

He stepped close to her, raising a gloved hand hesitantly, fingers trailing lightly along her jaw. “I was overconfident, and you suffered for it.” Regret shaded his tone and reflexively, Jaesa tilted her head into his touch. “Will you forgive me?”

Her heart pounded in her ears. “Master, I—”

He brushed his thumb across her lips ever so softly, his remorse filled gaze dropping from her eyes to caress her mouth. “Please. We’re alone, and I’m trying to apologize. Call me Khryden.”

She swallowed thickly, basking in the sudden wash of emotion that accompanied his mere touch, magnified a thousand fold by his words. “I—I mean—I do. I….I feel…”

Khryden’s face relaxed into a sly smile and brought up his other hand to stroke the opposite side of her face, cupping her jaw tenderly between his palms. “Tell me, Jaesa.” He purred her name sensually, sending a shot of heat directly to her core and causing it to slither up her torso, warming her entire body. “Tell me what you feel. Let go of your emotion so I can savor it as well.”

Jaesa shivered as she widened the Force bond between them and scanned Khryden with her power. No, he wasn’t lying. He actually was sorry. Her vicious and unrepentant lord felt guilty that his inattention had caused her injury. As ruthless and merciless as he was to his enemies, there was a level of dedication to all that he allowed on his ship. Even the Twi’lek Vette, who mouthed off constantly and was generally always on Khryden’s bad side, was never left intentionally unguarded in battle.

“You know I can feel it when you do that to me,” he murmured his right forefinger tracing a spiral on her cheekbone.

Shock made her cringe, thinking back to all the times she had used her power on her master, and effectively quashing the onrush of desire within her. “You can?”

Thankfully, he was smiling that adorably infuriating grin of his. “It feels like a brush of cold air against my mind.” He even let out a small chuckle. “You’re so cute when you're surprised.”

Jaesa blushed intensely, gaze dropping bashfully. “I…I didn’t think anyone felt it,” she babbled. “I mean, no one’s ever felt it before.”

Khryden cocked his head slightly, his golden gaze burning a hole right through her body. “Did you have a Force bond with your old master? Or anyone else for that matter?”

“No….I don’t think so.”

“Well, that could be why.” His right hand slid from her jaw to her chin and tenderly directed her eyes upward to meet his. “I am no scholar of Force bonds by any means, but I do know you feel more of what your partner is feeling through the connection.”

“If you can feel my emotions as well, then why do you hesitate when we are alone?” Before she could talk herself out of it, Jaesa forged ahead, stuttering slightly in her attempt to verbalize her thoughts.

“You can feel my longing, Khryden, I know you can. Isn't being Sith all about taking what you want and strengthening yourself with emotion? Why do you hold yourself back?”

His eyes blazed red edged in gold and he dropped his palms from her jawline to clasp her hands securely, bringing them up between the two of them like a virtual wall in an attempt to keep himself in check. The strength of the Force bond caused an outpouring of emotion ranging from thrilled contentment to tightly restrained hunger.

“Jaesa.” He spoke slowly, with difficulty. “I am not like other Sith. Most would throw a freshly turned Jedi into the deep end of the dark side, changing them into unfeeling horrors that care only for the bloodlust. Before I even turned you, I promised myself that I would do no such thing. I vowed that your apprenticeship would be better than mine, and you would learn to love the dark on your own, with only guidance and small pushes from me. Total and unadulterated submergence in the dark side is a dangerous thing, and it can be perilous to those unsuited to it. When you first came aboard, yes, I flirted with you, but I did not want to overwhelm you with too many dark side triggers. The dark side is power, but power is useless and all-consuming without control. I need you to be fully confident in that control before testing it so intensely.  So I have decided to wait until you came to me.” His voice and eyes darkened simultaneously. “Believe me, Jaesa, when it happens, I will make you remember it in all its intensity.”

She shivered deliciously at the wickedness of his tone and in a sudden burst of bravery, adapted hers to mirror it. “I look forward to your instruction, _master_.”

The way she stressed the honorific made him groan softly, hands clenching hers with renewed vigor as if attempting to stave off the rush of pleasure he felt from her words. “I will wait for you to come to terms with your dark emotion, but be warned, I will not wait much longer, Jaesa. And if you insist on saying such things, I may have to break my vow and show you power here and now. Control be damned.”

Sinful pleasure crawled up her spine and she grinned impishly, fighting with her internal restraint. She could barely believe what she was feeling and what she wanted to say in response. This was so unlike her, but at the same time, it felt so _right_. There was a fire burning in her belly unlike any other, fed by the fuel of her gradually growing passions and the thrill she felt at the thought of completely surrendering to such passions. Jaesa had never felt so alive. “I would—”

A loud _ahem_ startled them both from the moment and cut off Jaesa’s response. With a minutely soft growl, Khryden whipped his head around, fixing their intruder with a harsh glare. Standing in the doorway, Lieutenant Pierce paled a bit under his tan, but shrugged nonchalantly, eyes flicking between the two of them rapidly before settling on Khryden. “Apologies for interrupting, my lord, but we’ve just arrived in orbit above Belsavis and the Hand people are on the ship’s holo for you. Says they have a lead on Baras’s logical next move to increase his power structure.”

Her master hummed his displeasure low in his throat. “Very well, Lieutenant. Gather the crew and I will be there shortly.”

Pierce bowed and left and Khryden turned back to Jaesa with a glint of excitement in his eye. “We will have to continue this another time, my apprentice. I look forward to hearing you complete that sentence at a later date.”

A blush once again stole over her cheeks and she raised her chin smugly. “I will think upon our discussion and meditate until I reach a decision on my feelings.”

He let his fingers trail a burning path across her cheek, then stepped towards the door. “Take a moment, but not much longer than that. I want you with me on Belsavis and you need to hear what the Hand has to say.”

 


End file.
